What's another word for amnesia? I forget.

(five thirty is extremely early. which may explain why i am always late.)

I am SO sad that I haven't had time to blog lately! But of course, I am one of the lucky ones. I have a job.

Not that I didn't have a job before, but it was a self-employed job, which doesn't really count as a job because if you are foolish enough to be self-employed then you deserve to pay double taxes and outrageous health insurance premiums even though you are the embodiment of the supposed American Dream of self sufficient entrepreneur based small business ideal which unfortunately when you boil it right down means diddly squat.

Not that I'm bitter.

Anyway.

I've missed a lot, including the opportunity to rail against the Republicans who are now suddenly dead set against any deficit spending even though the current deficit can clearly be traced back to the Bush administration.Which, as I recall, was proudly Republican at the time.

Not to mention the Republicans who are now totally outraged about the push-back against the Arizona immigration bill, claiming that the federal government's inaction is to blame even though the Republicans are by any definition the inactive portion of the federal government.

Plus of course let's not forget the Republicans who are totally upset about the Gulf oil "spill" even though if we cared to connect the rapidly gushing dots, which they would rather not, those dots would form a straight line leading to some Republican leaders who shall remain nameless but whose names would rhyme with Mush and Brainy. Which is quite apt.

I wish I had time to elaborate. But I need to get up at 5:30 so I won't be late for work.

Let's just leave it at that.

~~~

Seriously hilarious news

(there's not a lot to laugh about these days)

Have you heard the news??

A gigantic underground volcano of oil is erupting, threatening at the very least the Gulf of Mexico and at the very worst our entire planet. Including me. This is not good.

Europe is in a financial crisis. Today, riots in Greece or a technical glitch caused by a Wall Street trader who was distracted by downloading the John Edwards video, nobody seems to know which, caused a 1000-point drop in the Dow Jones Industrial Index in just one hour. Yikes.

But I did find one headline that gave me quite a chuckle.

Here it is:

Fox Defends Michael Brown Interview: 'He's An Expert On Botched Responses.'

Yes, Fox News had Michael "Heckuvajob" Brown on TV the other night, explaining his theory that President Obama reacted "slowly" to the oil spill for political reasons. Brown is a credible spokesperson for incompetence, apparently. Hard to deny that.

Perhaps Fox News should consider some other guest appearances:

- They could have Joe Lieberman host a special show on How To Be A Loyal Friend.

- They could have John McCain explain How To Be A Maverick While Not Being A Maverick Who Ever Said I Was A Maverick?? Not Me.

- They could invite Sarah Palin to discuss job longevity.

- They could ask Dick Cheney to talk about the sneering, snarling secrecy, deception, and blatantly anti-constitutional actions of the Obama administration. Oh wait. They already did.

- I could go on and on.

Any other ideas?

~~~

Republican "Census" Form

(gee, you just never know what's going to arrive in the mail!)

Dear Michael Steele,

I was a little surprised to receive your "OFFICIAL GOVERNMENT FUND RAISING PLEA DISGUISED AS A CENSUS FORM" in the mail today. I am quite honored that you want to know my views about the Republican Party.

In fact, the accompanying letter says that my registered Census "is one of a select few being mailed into Texas' 26th Congressional District." Wow. Lucky me.

But your questions are making me mad. Especially since I am a registered Democrat. For example (and I quote) -

"How much does it concern you that the Democrats have total control of the federal government?"

"Do you believe the huge, costly Democrat-passed stimulus bill has been effective in creating jobs?"

"Do you worry that the Obama Administration is committed to greatly expanding the government's role in your life?"

And on and on and on ...

Come now, Mr. Steele. If you want me to answer your inflammatory questions, kindly fill out the form below, attach a check for $25 or more, and send it to me. You already have my address.

Question # 1:
The Republican strategy is to:
__ Propose absolutely no ideas
__ Vote no
__ Propose ideas, and then vote no on the exact same ideas

Question # 2:
When you look back on the Bush years, do you think:
__ Bush was not a true Republican
__ Bush was misunderstood
__ Bush who?

And Question # 3:
According to the Republicans, a true American is someone who:
__ Votes Republican
__ Attends tea party rallies with other Medicare and Social Security recipients
__ Would never be mistaken for an illegal alien, even in Arizona
__ Thinks Glenn Beck is serious
__ All of the above

Thank you for your time, Mr. Steele. And now, I plan to print out this little blog post and return it to you in your Business Reply Envelope. No check attached.

~~~

Good news

Good news!

Did you hear?

The jobs report this week was really exciting! (details here)

Businesses added 162,000 jobs in March, the largest gains in 3 years. Not enough to change the overall 9.7% unemployment rate, but way, way better than the 700,000+ jobs we were losing at the end of the Bush administration, right? Right?

Wrong. According to Senator John Cornyn's facebook page, which I visit only so my fellow Texans can get some kind of balanced viewpoint even if they choose to ignore it - and I quote -

"Sadly, March jobs report flat."

Hmm ... well, how about THIS good news? The new health reform bill includes an immediate tax credit for small businesses, starting at an average of 35% and increasing up to 50% for the first two years a company buys insurance through its state exchange (details here).

But - according to Maria Bartiromo on the Morning Joe show last week, which I will never watch again - and I quote -

"Well, but first the business would have to buy the insurance. So it kind of sounds like a fee to me."

Ok, so a tax credit somehow becomes a fee. Hmm ... but did you hear? The reform bill also empowers the federal government to cap insurance premium increases, which is totally obviously necessary unless we all want to pay 30 to 40% more for insurance each year.

But - according to Rick Moran, whose name is hilariously similar to a popular misspelled Tea Party sign, though I am much too tactful to bring that up, this is all part of a bigger plot.

Here is a quote from Mr. Moran's recent blog post:

"The federal government will ... have the ability to deny 'excessive' rate increases by insurers under Obamacare. This will be a mechanism by which the government deliberately destroys the private insurance industry in order to to force a single payer system down our throats."

Ok. Fine.

Sigh.

So people finally finding jobs is terrible news. Tax credits for small business owners are terrible news. Premium limits are terrible news.

Maybe this will cheer you up:

Angela Braly received a 51% pay increase in 2009. Braly is the CEO of WellPoint, the insurance company that recently announced premium increases of up to 39% in California. Her overall compensation for 2009 was $13.1 million, while the company enjoyed profits of $4.75 billion (details here).

Way to go, Angela.

Nice job, WellPoint.

Good news, indeed.

~~~

I just have to say ...

(settle down, lesley, settle down)

Woo hoo! Boo ya! And a big "Way To Go!" to President Obama and Nancy Pelosi.

The health reform bill isn't perfect. I'd prefer single payer myself. But they did it. Amazing.

Some good things will start to happen right away. Insurance companies can no longer say "Sorry, your child was born with asthma. That's a pre-existing condition." They can no longer say "Sorry, you had a cold six years ago. That's a pre-existing condition." They can no longer say "Sorry, your illness is too expensive. Even though you paid your premiums, we're cutting you off."

Of course, they wouldn't say that anyway. At least, not the "sorry" part.

It amazes me to see the backlash, particularly from my Christian friends who I am now about to totally offend.

If Jesus designed a health care plan, what do you think it would look like? Would he do his best to avoid taxing the wealthy? Would he be mainly concerned with maintaining the hefty profits of the hospitals and insurance companies? If he suggested caring for the poor (like, hello, I believe he did over and over) would his disciples run away clutching their wallets and screaming about socialism?

I think not.

If you are upset about health reform, please take a few minutes to learn the facts.

Your taxes are not going up, unless you make over $200,000 a year.
The government is not taking over health care. (I wish they would)
There are no death panels.
There are new, common sense controls on the insurance industry.
There are over 200 Republican amendments in the bill.

And last but not least - tort reform and selling across state lines would NOT provide meaningful reform.

Rant over. I feel better now.

More to come.

~~~

You're all still here! Me too.

I'm happy - and somewhat amazed - to see that my merry band of followers has not yet dissolved into the mist. Inertia can be a wonderful thing.

I suppose the same can be said for the health reform bill. It's still alive, amazingly enough. I don't think inertia has much to do with it, though. Kudos to Obama for keeping it alive. Agree with him or not, you have to admit the guy has guts.

Meanwhile, I've been quite busy but I had to come tell you about my new hobby which I heartily recommend:

I signed up as a "fan" of John Cornyn, my conservative Texas Senator, on Facebook.

It irked me that there was not an option to access his page as a "person who is NOT a fan but just wants to make comments." I'm afraid my Facebook friends probably have the wrong idea about me. ("Did you hear? Lesley is a FAN of John Cornyn's! We knew she would see the light sooner or later!")

But anyway. His Facebook page is lots of fun.

Senator Cornyn loves to post questions with obvious answers, like this one:

"Will Texas members of congress embrace a $24 billion unfunded Medicaid mandate for Texas taxpayers (over 10 yrs) in Senate HC bill? Texans, should they?"

That little question has gotten 212 replies since last Friday. Approximately two hundred and eleven people posted compassionate answers like:

"It is not my responsibility to care for those who choose not to care for themselves."

I kid you not. This was a typical reply.

We're talking about Medicaid here, which helps children. The elderly. The disabled. The poor.

I answered that I thought we SHOULD help these people, and I pointed out that (1) the Senate HC bill is not unfunded, and (2) Cornyn's questions are deliberately slanted and divisive.

The very next commenter told me I should move to California.

If your senators or congresspeople are on Facebook, join their page! It's much more therapeutic than sending emails to them or banging your head against the wall, which are both pretty much exactly the same thing. If yours don't have a page, join Cornyn's! I'd love to have the company.

Here's the link:
Facebook/John Cornyn

~~~

My resignation letter. Well, maybe.

(me? stop ranting? nah)

Dear followers, lurkers, and anonymous commenters from Japan:

Good news! I have discovered how to make money blogging. Here's how you do it: you stop blogging, and get a job.

Yes, somebody actually offered me a real, full-time job. I start next week. I'm very excited. It's not a blogging job, but it is a writing job with a wonderful company.

Of course, the bad news is that I will have less time for blogging. And I had SO many things to rant about!

I was going to look into genetically modified organisms, which I hate to tell you but you probably eat these mutated food-like undigestable substances for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day. Truly scary stuff.

I was going to cover the upcoming health reform summit in great detail, which I'm sure will be very amusing. Maybe President Obama will propose a tax credit for surgically removing sneers from the faces of certain Republican leaders *cough*Boehner*cough*.

And of course I was going to follow Sarah Palin's run for the presidency in 2012, which you betcha is coming and which will provide ENDLESS fodder for bloggers like me. And since I am satirical, just like Rush Limbaugh, I can say whatever I want without worrying about offending Ms. Palin. What a relief!

Clearly I can't let these opportunities completely pass me by. So I'll be around! I just won't be ranting quite as frequently.

Have a great day, my friends! But put down that muffin. Trust me, you don't want to eat that. I'll tell you why later.

~~~