Vacation

(i'm leavin' on a jet plane. me and my psychedelic suitcase.)

Get out some kleenex. Take a seat. I have bad news - I'm leaving tomorrow for a week's vacation. Stop sobbing. It will be fine. Life will carry on without me.

Max Baucus will continue to work on behalf of the big insurance companies. Maybe he will add a provision to his UnitedHealth Prosperity Bill that will add a new surtax for liberal bloggers. Or maybe he will admit that, haha! it was all a big joke, and introduce the REAL bill.

Sarah Palin will work with her editor to finish her book. It's 400 pages long right now, but after they take out any sentences that don't make sense, plus the words "rogue" and "mavericky" it will end up just a tad longer than Curious George And The Puppies, which is much more reasonable for her particular audience.

My supporters will finalize the design for my Lesleymo For Governor campaign buttons and t-shirts. (Official slogan: What The Hell It Can't Get Any Worse) If you haven't sent your check for $12.6 million, why not do it this week? That would make a lovely surprise when I get back home.

~~~

Dear Senator Baucus

(we're in the money, tra la la)

Dear Senator Baucus,

Thank you for protecting our best interests. It is wonderful to see our politicians truly listening to their supporters. Wink, wink.

First, we are delighted to see that your health reform plan includes an individual mandate. After all, there are millions of Americans who are uninsured right now. Let's force them all to buy insurance! Problem solved.

We are excited about welcoming new customers, even though some of them will have health problems which we will need to find creative ways not to pay for. Don't worry, we are up to the task. Your provision allowing us to charge older people up to 4X the normal rates will be a big help. Thanks, buddy.

We are aware that your committee will be "debating" the public option amendments tomorrow. Naturally, by "debating" we mean "talking in circles." Who needs to debate this crazy idea?? Olympia Snowe says it's a bad idea. That should convince all of the other Democrats to vote against it, in spite of the fact that she is a Republican with no particular credentials from one of the smallest states in the country.

In short, we have spent bazillions of dollars fighting real health care reform. Let's get the Baucus bill passed so we can go back to spending that money on more worthwhile purposes - like a new gold-plated vault to keep our ever-growing piles of money safe and sound.

Sincerely,
America's Health Insurance Companies

~~~

Michael Moore interview

Love him or hate him, ya gotta admit he makes some good points:

Thinking like a Republican

(look at that. her brain is shrinking before our very eyes.)

Oh no! Something is happening to my brain! I am actually agreeing with Republicans. This is not good.

~ The Republicans hate the Baucus bill.

I agree.

~ The Republicans think that the bill will "tax" middle income people.

I agree. Whether you call it a tax, a fee, or a little-extra-something-that-will-reduce-your-net-worth, I can foresee the bill costing me a bundle. I make too much money to qualify for subsidies, I am self-employed so I have no purchasing power whatsoever, and I am old so the insurance companies can charge me up to 4x the base rate (formerly 5x - thanks a bunch for that generous reduction, Max).

~ The Republicans think the whole process should start over.

I agree. Let's put single payer back on the table and start from scratch.

I even agreed with Glenn Beck today. Good lord. In an interview with Katie Couric, who seems to have a knack for tripping up Republicans, he said he thought the country would be even worse off if John McCain was President.

I agree.

Of course, conservatives including a certain rabid radio host named Mark Levin immediately blasted Glenn Beck, calling him "mindless" "incoherent" and "pathetic."

Once again, I agree.

Maybe there's hope for my brain after all.

~~~

Why do I bother?

(dear senator cornyn: watch your step
or i might decide to run for senator instead of governor.
which position pays more, by the way?
just wondering.)

In the past, I haven't been all that politically active. I probably shouldn't admit that, since I am trying to become the next Governor of Texas, but it's true.

I'm paying closer attention these days. After all, I realized that my instincts were correct on the Iraq war (a colossal waste of time, money, and lives). I realized that my suggestions for the Democrats were right on target even though they still haven't taken my advice (stop beating around the bush and start talking in bumper stickers, like your opponents). And I realized that when it comes to health care reform, I should try to make my voice heard.

So I started writing to my Representatives, like a good little citizen.

What a colossal waste of time.

My Representatives are die-hard Republicans who send me long, wordy responses that talk about government take-overs and rationing of care.

One of my Representatives, John Cornyn, recently mailed out a survey asking questions like this:

~~~

Are you concerned that health care rationing could lead to:

~ Denial of treatment in cases where the patient's prospects are deemed not good?
~ A "lottery" system of determining who will get priority treatment?
~ A "quota" system which would determine who would determine who would get treatment on the basis of race or age?

~~~

... which is kind of like asking:

"Who do you think Obama's government-controlled health care will kill first - Sarah Palin's baby, or Sarah Palin's grandmother? Not that they want to kill people, but just as a hypothetical question - ?"

So that's it. I'm finished writing my Representatives. If they want to know what I think, they can read my blog. And if they don't care what I think, they can wait until the next election. I will be happy to tell them in person.

~~~

Read more at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/09/21/senate-gop-mailer-suggest_n_293332.html

Help Wanted

Help Wanted: Outspoken Spokesperson

Major political party seeking loud, attention-grabbing assistant spokesperson.

Job requirements:
~ Big mouth
~ Good hair
~ Ability to get on cable news on a nightly, if not hourly, basis

Our political party currently has only one spokesperson. He is getting very tired. In fact, he plans to be on five talk shows tomorrow morning, plus the Letterman show on Monday, The Edge of Night on Tuesday and The Price is Right on Wednesday. We hope to hire an assistant spokesperson before he ends up on The Biggest Loser.

Please do NOT apply if you have ever:
~ Cheated on your taxes
~ Cheated on your spouse
~ Signed any type of petition (yes, that includes the "Teachers Suck" petition you signed in 5th grade)
~ Given a sermon
~ Had tea with a domestic terrorist
~ Worked for Goldman Sachs

Southern accent considered a definite minus.

Excellent salary. Save it up. Not to be a Negative Nelly, but at this point it looks like the job may only last until 2012.

~~~

Odd News

(max baucus, a very funny man.
you ARE kidding about this health care proposal, aren't you max?)

I have two Odd News stories to report today.

First, from CNN, a headline about the Baucus Health Care Proposal, which will either make you laugh or scream. Your choice.

~~~

Health Care Proposal Mandates Coverage, Drops Public Option

~~~

After months of negotiating with Republicans, caving in to their desires, and asking them to pretty-please support reform efforts, Max Baucus finally released his "Gang of Six" senate health care proposal today. It is truly odd. To put it mildly.

The proposal mandates that everyone must buy coverage, but provides no way of keeping that coverage affordable.

In fact, it gives the insurance companies ample excuses for raising rates.

Plus, it has NO REPUBLICAN SUPPORT. So, what the heck? Why make concessions, Max, if they won't get you any votes? Perhaps you are getting $$$omething el$$$e from your friend$$$ in the indu$$$try?

I can't think about this for too long. It makes my blood pressure go up, which I definitely will not be able to afford if this is the "blueprint for reform."

So here is my Odd News story #2, from yahoo.com:

~~~

Kansas couple's trash bin tryst takes wrong turn

WICHITA, Kan. – A tender moment in a trash bin went all wrong for a couple who found themselves being held up at pocket knifepoint. Police said two 44-year-olds had climbed into a dumpster to be alone just after 6 p.m. Saturday when two men interrupted them and demanded their belongings. Officers said the man and woman were engaged in "an intimate moment" when they were robbed of their shoes, jewelry and the man's wallet.

~~~

And you thought YOUR husband was un-romantic. Can't you just picture it?

"Hey hun, let's go to our favorite restaurant tonight. You know, the one with that quiet, secluded dumpster out back" - wink, wink

Or maybe it was a blind date from hell that involved way too much wine.

"Let's go to my place - hic - it's just around the corner."

Or - who knows? - maybe the 44-year-old couple had teenagers at home, and they just couldn't take it any more.

"Let's get out of here. The kids will be fine playing their video games. They won't even miss us. There's got to be SOME place in town where we can get a little peace and quiet!"


The moral of the story?
Everyday Americans are trying to live their lives, hoping to maybe even have a little fun from time to time - and every time we turn around, we're getting robbed.

Laugh or scream.

Your choice.

~~~