Political Halloween Costumes (boo!)

(party at my place, dudes!)

Do you have your costume ready? I hear the folks in Washington are super excited about a costume party at the White House tonight. Let's take a look at the guest list:

~ Dick Cheney plans to dress up as a crotchety old guy with a very convenient case of amnesia. Of course, he's been wearing this costume for years.

~ Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck will be disguised as actual journalists.

~ The Swine Flu says it will attend, but nobody believes it.

~ Joe Lieberman will wear a Democrat costume but halfway through the party he will change into a Republican costume and jump out of a pumpkin yelling "Surprise!" ... Nobody will be surprised.

~ Liz Cheney will take OFF her costume and reveal her true identity as a crotchety old guy with a very convenient case of amnesia.

~ Sarah Palin won't be there. They couldn't afford to invite her.

Happy Halloween!

~~~

House May Add Long-Term Care. But don't count on it.

('scuse me, there's a hole in your safety net)

When is a safety net not a safety net? When it's not safe. Or a net. Or below you. Or anything. Because, just ask the insurance companies, it's a really bad idea.

What the heck am I ranting about? The idea of adding a new long-term care insurance program to the health reform legislation.

There was an article about it in yesterday's Dallas Morning News. Here are some excerpts:

~~~

"More than 10 million people currently need long-term care services, and the number is expected to grow as the baby boom generation ages. But most families whose elders can no longer care for themselves have to scrape to find a solution ...

"The new proposal is called the Community Living Assistance Services and Support Act, or CLASS Act ... In return for modest monthly premiums while they are working, people would receive a cash benefit of at least $50 a day if they become disabled. The money could be used to pay a home care attendant, purchase equipment and supplies, make home improvements such as adding bathroom railings, or defray the costs of nursing home care.

"The nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office has estimated that the program - financed by premiums - would be fiscally solvent over a 75-year period."

~~~

Sounds pretty good, right? But wait. The insurance companies are, of course, arguing against it. Here's another section of the same article:

"Many people already believe Medicare is going to cover their long-term care needs, and as a result they don't plan," said White Cornman, a spokesperson for the American Council of Life Insurers. The proposal would only add to the false sense of security, he said.

Ok. Let me get this straight. People currently are not able to pay for long-term care because they don't plan for it. Plus there is no safety net in place, other than Medicaid, which requires you to sell everything you own and become impoverished before you can qualify. Which is a pretty hole-y safety net if you ask me.

So, a program that would provide a REAL safety net is a bad idea because it would make people think they have a safety net. Which - hellooooo - they WOULD.

Hey, insurance companies! How about, for the sake of our troops, you quit making things up?? I'm still waiting for any sign of a Class Act from you guys. Any sign at all.

~~~

Texas Opts Out Of U.S. Postal Service

(you're my man, kinky ... unless somebody sends $12.6 million to kick off my own campaign)

Breaking News ...

Governor Rick "Yee Haw" Perry has just announced that the state of Texas is opting out of the U.S. Postal Service.

"The last thing we need is more government intervention," Perry exclaimed to a crowd of bewildered people standing in line at the Frisco post office. "Let's put the free market to work!"

"So where am I supposed to mail this letter?" asked a woman in the crowd.

"Ask yourself a simple question," Perry continued. "Do I really want some government bureaucrat standing between me and my phone bill?"

"Gee. I guess not," said the woman.

Perry ranted on: "Did you know that people in Canada wait in line for weeks, just to get a catalog from L.L. Bean? Did you know that in England, people DIE before they can receive their final notice that the warranty on the car they traded in a year ago is about to expire?? Socialized mail is NOT the answer!!"

"Wow. You're right," said the woman. "I guess instead of mailing it, I'll take this campaign contribution home and put it through my shredder."

"Wait!" yelled Perry. "We're ready to serve the next person in line. Step right up."

~~~

Oh good grief

(big hair is always in style - at least on channel 8)

I almost never watch the local network news. But last night after Brothers & Sisters I was too tired to get up and change the channel.

Our local big-haired anchorwoman spent 15 seconds talking about health care reform thusly:

"President Obama's plan for government-controlled health care is still being debated in Congress, with a final version expected by Thanksgiving."

Good grief. No wonder people are so mis-informed. First of all, clueless Big-Hair Woman, "government-controlled health care" is not on the table. Never has been.

And second, President Obama has had very little to do with the plan that IS on the table, other than cutting some deals with various factions behind closed doors and hinting that he might be for a public option, unless he's against it, and a trigger would be fine too, or whatever, just send him a bill, he wants to sign something.

Argh.

Fortunately, after that extremely informative 15 seconds was up, Big-Hair devoted 10 minutes to a story about a guy whose back yard is sliding into a creek. Then the weather guy spent 5 minutes telling us it was raining outside.

I'd give you a sports update, but I fell asleep.

I think tonight I'll watch Dancing With The Stars. Maybe I'll learn something useful.

~~~

Michelle Obama on Leno: Startling revelations!

(another guy who can make me swear)

Hey! Rush Limbaugh! Did you see Michelle Obama on Leno last night?

RL: Yeah. So?

She said Barack beats her! Quite often!

RL: Really? I missed that part.

She was talking about playing tennis with him, and she said the most annoying thing about him is that he beats her quite often! There's a headline for ya!!

RL: Wow! You're right! That's a great story. There's only one problem: it's true. I can't report on stories that are true.

Oh, that's right. You prefer stories like the made-up, totally obviously false one you blubbered about yesterday. The one about Obama's college thesis supposedly criticizing the U.S. Constitution for not promoting the "distribution of wealth."

RL: Yeah. Now THERE's a good story!

Did you even visit the blog that first "reported" the story? I mean, the blogger tagged it "SATIRE" which generally means "NOT THE GOD'S HONEST TRUTH." Plus he included cheesy lines like this:

"In Los Angeles and New York, the poor reach to me with bleary eyes and all I can do is sigh."

Does that really sound like something Barack would say?

RL: Who the hell cares? Hey, have you heard that he beats his wife?!

sigh.

~~~

Dithering? Seriously?

(there are not very many people who can make me swear. but this guy ...)

Cheney's face alone is bad enough. But when he opens his mouth, it gets even worse.

Yesterday he accused President Obama of "dithering" on the Afghanistan situation. Here is the quote:

"Having announced his Afghanistan strategy in March, President Obama now seems afraid to make a decision, and unable to provide his commander on the ground with the troops he needs to complete the mission.

"It's time for President Obama to make good on his promise. The White House must stop dithering while America's armed forces are in danger. Make no mistake, signals of indecision out of Washington hurt our allies and embolden our adversaries."

Yes. Indeed. What on earth are you thinking, President Obama? Stop thinking, and just act!! Hurl those bombs. Deploy those troops. Tap phones. Waterboard. DO SOMETHING!!

Oh, wait. Didn't we get into this situation because somebody acted without thinking the whole thing through?

Didn't we march off in the wrong direction, believing we would be "greeted as liberators" in one place while we "dithered" in the country where the real enemy was lurking?

Didn't we "dither" for 8 years on silly little domestic issues like health care and financial regulation, weakening our own situation to the point of near-collapse?

Perhaps it's time to think for a change. To plan. To take measured, thoughtfully-considered steps, one at a time, to get us out of this quagmire the Bush administration created.

Dither that, Mr. Cheney. You ... you ... ditherer, you.

~~~

Republican Has Flu Shot ... Now He Can Only Say "Yes"

(don't do it! i'm warning you!)

News Flash:
Swine Flu Vaccine Has Surprising Side Effects

In a very disturbing development, a prominent Republican recently developed a serious side effect from the H1N1 flu shot, which as we all know is a dastardly Fascist-Socialist-Government plot to infect the entire population with cancer. (read the startling details here)

Or to plan an identity chip into our bodies. (honest to God)

Or to take over our minds, which many of us seem to have lost lately.

Or something.

Anyway. The side effect for this poor unfortunate Republican? Tragically, the only word he can say is "Yes."

Here is an interview which I recently conducted with him. We'll call him R.

~~~

Me: Well. This seems to be a very serious and tragic situation. Dastardly, even.

R: Yes.

Me: You say you had the Swine Flu vaccine, and 10 days later you woke up and all you could say was ...

R: Yes.

Me: And you blame this on the Obama administration?

R: Yes!

Me: Because they are encouraging people to get vaccinated, pretending that it's "only" a vaccine that will "only" protect people, particularly children?

R: Yes!!!

Me: So, let me ask you: Are the Republicans using this as another fear tactic, implying that a simple vaccine might be a government plot?

R: rrr-aghhhh -nnnyy - yes.

Me: I thought so. And did the vaccine, in fact, protect you from the Swine Flu?

R: nnn-yy-yes.

Me: Did your Fascist-Socialist-Government-provided health insurance pay for this flu shot?

R: y-y-yes.

Me: Wouldn't it be nice if everyone had Fascist-Socialist-Government-provided health insurance?

R: (rips off his microphone and walks away)

Me: Wait! I had lots more questions! Are you still taking money from the health insurance industry? Do you like my hair? Is my blog the best in the world?

... stay tuned. I'll try to get him back for a follow-up interview. I'd love to hear what he thinks about global warming!

~~~