(but first, send money)
Exciting news! I have decided to run for Governor of Texas. My official campaign will be launched as soon as I raise $12.6 million.
Here is the transcript from my first unofficial news conference, held today in my overactive imagination:
Q: LesleyMo, why have you decided to run for Governor?
A: Well, I have been watching our current Governor pretty closely. Not to mention the Governor before that, who as we all know went on to become the Assistant To The Vice President for 8 long years. I figure I can do a heck of a better job than either one of them.
Q: What's your beef with Governor Perry? He's pretty popular down here in Texas, you know.
A: Yes. I know. He has quite a knack for rilin' up the base. But let's face it. He is a bumblehead. He threatened to secede from the union because of the big bad government in Washington, and sent back the stimulus money - and then applied for a federal loan because, oops, we needed a little money after all. And NOW he is making headlines spouting off about how the states need to be in control of health care - but HIS state is one of the WORST states in the nation when it comes to health care. Hellooooo ...
Q: What about Kay Bailey Hutchison? Maybe you could just campaign for her.
A: I dunno. She doesn't seem a whole lot better. She voted against the stimulus, and then criticized Perry for not taking the money. She also thinks Health Savings Accounts are a dandy idea. Argh. I'll rant about them another time. I need to design my campaign buttons first.
Q: So, you'll be running as a Democrat?
A: No. I understand that Kinky Friedman might be running. I don't want to bump him out of the race. Texas needs all the kinky people it can get. I'll run as an Independent.
Q: And what's with the $12.6 million? How did you come up with that figure?
A: Well, Kay Bailey Hutchison has $12.5 million in the bank, ready for her campaign. So I figure I'll just need a little more. That, plus the power of my wildly popular and far-reaching blog, plus the headlines I plan to make by giving a resignation speech over and over in red stiletto heels directly in front of a turkey beheading before I am even elected, and I will be a shoo-in! There's no stopping me! Send in your donations today.
Oh, and here is my official campaign slogan. Pass the word!
LesleyMo For Governor: Let's mess with Texas.
~~~
That is good.
ReplyDeleteBeing from Chicago, we have had our fair share of political problems here in Illinois is the past few months, what with Blagojevich being impeached and all. Politics in the "Land of Lincoln" is a mess really.
I can understand your frustration and the blog is a good way to put things into perspective.
Too bad I am not a Texan. You would certainly have my vote. And not just to vote against the kooks but to vote for someone- you! Because you are the best qualified and most in touch with reality. Vote for Lesley Mo.
ReplyDeleteI told you, you should run for Prez! Loved the comment about 'Assistant To The Vice President'. Your words described about half the states in this union. But if you're going to resign that early, you should run as a Republican.
ReplyDeleteHow can people seriously consider someone as a candidate that can't even fulfill their first term? Oh, that's right... Those bothersome investigations are such a distraction...
Jim: Yes, I don't know what I would do without my blogs! They are such a great stress reliever.
ReplyDeleteRae: You have a standing offer to be my communications director. As soon as I get that 12.6 million ...
Lily: I'm glad you caught that little phrase! (Assistant to the VP) That was my favorite part of the post. hee hee