Friday, July 3, 2009

Climate Change: That's Hot

(what are YOU smiling about??)

The debate is over. Climate change is real. I can prove it.

I don't have time to issue a 98-page report, as EPA economist Alan Carlin recently did. You may have heard about his report. Or maybe not. It was silenced by his boss, possibly because it was written by an economist and not a scientist. Or possibly because it contained opinions and ideas (as opposed to, say, research or facts) which had already been considered and rejected by the EPA.

The silencing, of course, made the news. Especially the Fox News.

But all of this debate and drama is quite unnecessary.

As I said, I have the proof.

I know that climate change is real, because I once painted my bathroom.

That's right. I painted my bathroom. It was a small bathroom. But it had very large, Hollywood-vanity-style light fixtures. Two of them. They looked like this:

They were quite ugly. And amazingly hot. By the time I finished painting, my body temperature was 107, the drywall in the ceiling was bubbling, and the grass on our front lawn was brown. The neighbor's lawn too.

All from 8 little lightbulbs. Multiply that by however many bulbs are in a typical house, and multiply that by however many houses are in the world, and you end up with precisely ... a whole lot of heat.

Hey, I'm no economist. I don't have time to look up all those numbers.

But trust me, I'm right.

And don't tell me about those squiggly bulbs that save energy and stay cooler. They take several seconds to light up. We're Americans. We're busy. We don't have time for that either.



  1. Add me as a contributor to all this heat because I have one of those ugly Hollywood lights in my bathroom now.

    And to think I thought it was so trendy and the perfect room accent, when I had it installed. Besides the 1000s of watts of power and 100s of degrees of heat, the brightness it emits, lets me see all my new wrinkles more clearly.

    I think I will go back to one 25 watt incandescent bulb.

  2. Rae, switch to the twirly bulbs! By the time they warm up, you'll be done brushing your teeth so you will never see the wrinkles again. They may look funny sticking out of the fixture though!

  3. Hubby put those slow-pokes in our outdoor lights during the winter. I could be back from the barn before you could even tell they were on! I warned him to not put them in the basement stairway fixture!

    I like the idea of not being able to see the wrinkles...

  4. But we all need those squiggly and energy efficient light bulbs. Just do not throw them in the trash can because they contain more toxins than some computers. So much for the ground water.

  5. David - I know, we can't win, can we? I tried the squiggly bulbs in a large (very hot) fixture and the blinking drove us all crazy. So now we're back to hot again. Ack!