My resignation letter. Well, maybe.

(me? stop ranting? nah)

Dear followers, lurkers, and anonymous commenters from Japan:

Good news! I have discovered how to make money blogging. Here's how you do it: you stop blogging, and get a job.

Yes, somebody actually offered me a real, full-time job. I start next week. I'm very excited. It's not a blogging job, but it is a writing job with a wonderful company.

Of course, the bad news is that I will have less time for blogging. And I had SO many things to rant about!

I was going to look into genetically modified organisms, which I hate to tell you but you probably eat these mutated food-like undigestable substances for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day. Truly scary stuff.

I was going to cover the upcoming health reform summit in great detail, which I'm sure will be very amusing. Maybe President Obama will propose a tax credit for surgically removing sneers from the faces of certain Republican leaders *cough*Boehner*cough*.

And of course I was going to follow Sarah Palin's run for the presidency in 2012, which you betcha is coming and which will provide ENDLESS fodder for bloggers like me. And since I am satirical, just like Rush Limbaugh, I can say whatever I want without worrying about offending Ms. Palin. What a relief!

Clearly I can't let these opportunities completely pass me by. So I'll be around! I just won't be ranting quite as frequently.

Have a great day, my friends! But put down that muffin. Trust me, you don't want to eat that. I'll tell you why later.

~~~

How do you spell Hypocrite?

(how big of a hypocrite am i? thiiiiis big)

Republican members of Congress voted unanimously against the Recovery Act last year. Ever since, they have been whining about "out of control" spending, even though the out-of-control part started, undeniably, on their watch.

No! No! Don't spend away our children's future!

No! No! Don't make us take that dirty government money!

What's that? A ribbon cutting? A photo op? Count us in!

The White House recently released a very interesting list including the following tidbits:

John Boehner (R-Ohio) issued a statement on his Web site that he was "pleased that federal officials have stepped in" to order Ohio to use its stimulus funds for "shovel-ready" construction projects.

Eric Cantor (R -Va) hosted a job fair to demonstrate how he — and not the Obama administration — is working on ‘long-term solutions that will put Virginia businesses and Virginia workers back on the path to financial stability.’ Nearly half of the 30 organizations on hand were recipients of stimulus funds.

Rep. Pete Hoekstra (R-Mich.) posted to his Twitter, "Stimulus Incentive Is Very Generous! Up to 8k! Check It Out!"

There's more. Lots more.

You guys should be ashamed. What DO you stand for, exactly?

h.y.p.o.c.r.i.t.e.s.

~~~

Obama Schools Republicans

(the professor is in. and how.)

Republican Strategy Meeting:

John Boehner: Hey guys, we've invited The Prez to come talk to us at the annual retreat. We're gonna get him on our territory and hit him with some "gotcha" questions. Sucker.

Eric Cantor: Yeah, let's grill the guy. We'll ask him hard-hitting stuff like why is he bankrupting the country with his Bolshevik plots and why doesn't he ever listen to our ideas when we are so eager and willing to work with him.

Boehner: I'll even give him a copy of our Idea Book! That'll make for some great drama!

Cantor: One little thing, though. He wants us to televise it.

Boehner: Perfect! We can work twenty talking points into each question so our message will be loud and clear. He'll be so confused, he won't even know where to begin. Bwa ha ha.

~~~

Unfortunately for the Sneering Clueless Ones With Spray Tans, the meeting didn't turn out quite the way they hoped.

Bwa ha ha indeed.

You rock, Barack.

The best things in life are very expensive

(the best things in life are free? hah! think again.)

Here are some things you can get without spending a penny:

~ used chewing gum from the sidewalk

~ bricks, gravel, dirt, broken appliances and a lovely floral sofa with a missing cushion from the "Free" section of craigslist

~ the swine flu

Oh. Wait. If you got the swine flu, you might need Mucinex, Tylenol, or that excellent NyQuil stuff, which was originally called Cheese-Heroin Extra-Addictive Night-Time Formula. That stuff is expensive.

Plus, if you get the swine flu you might have to visit the doctor. He might write a prescription for Tamiflu. Or send you for x-rays. Or check you into the hospital.

All of this will cost you LOTS of pennies.

Let's face it. Health care is expensive. So why should health care reform be free?

Why is it such a big deal that the current reform proposals will cost around a trillion dollars?

-Haven't we spent that much on the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan?
-Didn't we lose much more than that through the Bush tax cuts?
-Isn't the net effect of reform a reduction in the federal deficit?
-What the heck?

Where were all these "fiscal conservatives" when the Bush administration was running up record deficits?

Maybe they were working on the fiscally conservative version of health care reform, which to date includes 4 ideas, none of which will help me get affordable health insurance.

Seriously. Four ideas.

I think John Boehner should try selling these ideas on craigslist. Put them in the "free" section, John. Maybe somebody will take them off your hands.

~~~

Health Care Reform ... Truth or Consequences

(hmmm ... who should we kill today?)

As you may have noticed, health care reform is my 'hot button' issue. I'm not really a worrier, but for most of my adult life I have worried about my health insurance.

- When I have health insurance, I worry about losing it.

- If I am paying my own premiums, I worry about the ridiculous price increases every year.

- Right now I am worried about my husband losing his job - mostly because it would mean we would lose our health insurance.

Even when I'm worried about a health issue such as, say, hypothetically, high blood pressure, my REAL worry is "Will my health insurance company find out?" This is why my primary care physician at the moment is the self-serve blood pressure machine at WalMart.

I have been trying to follow the health care debate in Congress. I have even been trying to be impartial. It's not easy to uncover the facts.

Of course, Congress is trying to be helpful. Just recently:

• The Democrats in the Senate released a proposed bill. It is 615 pages long.
• Fortunately, they also provided a summary.
• Ditto for the House.
• The Republicans came out with an outline of their own.

I will give you a few minutes to peruse these links. I'll just be over here, eating some potato chips - er, I mean low-sodium Triscuits.

All done?

Ok. Now here's what has me ranting today:

John Boehner, the House Republican Leader, published a list on his website entitled Top 10 Facts About House Democrats' Health Care "Reform" Legislation. Most of his Top 10 Facts are highly debatable. Let's look at the first three. My ranting will follow each point, in red.

(From http://republicanleader.house.gov/News/DocumentSingle.aspx?DocumentID=131578)

1. A Government Takeover of Health Care. The House Democrats’ plan will create a new government-run program, will make health care more expensive, limit treatments and ration care, and put bureaucrats in charge of medical decisions rather than patients and doctors. Translation: higher costs, lower quality, and fewer choices for patients.

The boogey-man is here! Government participation is bad, bad, bad. Let's keep the control in the hands of the insurance companies, where it belongs.

2. Forcing More than 100 Million Out of their Health Care. The House Democrats’ plan will force more than 100 million Americans out of their current health care plan and onto the government rolls. A Lewin Group study confirms that under a new government-run health plan millions will lose their current health care coverage.

The link does not take you to the study. It takes you to another Boehner page. If you follow the bouncing links long enough, you will find that the study says that millions of Americans will lose their coverage because the government plan will put the insurance companies out of business.

Now, think about this -
1. The Republicans say the government is big and clumsy and cannot be trusted to set up a workable program.
2. But on the other hand, the government's program will be so attractive and wonderful, millions will flock to it and the poor little insurance companies will be unable to compete.
3. Hmm

3. Rationing Health Care Treatments. The House Democrats’ plan establishes an “advisory committee” that will put bureaucrats and politicians in charge of deciding patient treatments and cures. Translation: The government will make health care treatment decisions rather than doctors and patients.

Ok, this is the one that really made me mad. I searched all bazillion pages of proposals for information on this "advisory committee" that supposedly will tell your dying grandmother she is too old for dialysis and the kidney transplant is going to a young Democrat instead.

Feel free to correct me if I am wrong, but the way I read it, the advisory committee will simply establish a baseline of essential services that every health insurance policy will be required to cover.

A board of government-appointed evil scientists (or, even worse, bureaucrats!) eager to ration our health care and make life or death decisions ... it's a frightening thought. It's a great scare tactic. The only problem is - it's simply not true.

~~~