I *heart* insurance companies

(who says insurance companies don't have a heart?)

Sometimes big corporations get a bad rap. But hey, this is the season of love and peace. I think we should give them a break! Surely they have good reasons for doing what they do.

So, in the spirit of love and peace, I looked up the mission statements for the country's 3 largest health insurance companies.

Wow. Golly gee. I had no idea they were so compassionate and idealistic.

Brought a little tear to my eye.

Here are the 3 mission statements. Each one is followed by an actual news story that demonstrates just exactly how compassionate and idealistic these companies are.


Gigantic Insurance Company # 1: UnitedHealth
2008 profits: $2.997 billion (this was, amazingly, a 36% DROP from 2007)
(Link to profit information)

Heart-warming mission statement:
"Our mission is to help people live healthier lives. We seek to enhance the performance of the health system and improve the overall health and well-being of the people we serve and their communities."

News story:
January 16, 2009
UnitedHealth Settles Lawsuit Over Insurance Claims
(Link)

Investigators found that UnitedHealth subsidiary Ingenix was providing faulty data which helped the giant insurer under-pay medical claims, thus shifting costs unfairly to the customers. UnitedHealth admitted no wrongdoing but agreed to pay $350 million.

($350 million? Heck, they have more than that stuffed between the couch cushions in the employee lunch room.)



Gigantic Insurance Company # 2: WellPoint
2008 profits: $2.490 billion

Heart-warming mission statement:
"To improve the lives of the people we serve and the health of our communities."

News story:
April, 2009
Biggest Health Insurer Admits: We Put Profits Before People
(Link)

WellPoint CEO Angela Brady told investors during a conference call: "We will not sacrifice profitability for membership."

(In other words, money counts. People don't. Plus, you guys appear to have stolen UnitedHealth's mission statement. Come on, you could at least make up your own crap.)



Gigantic Insurance Company # 3: Aetna
2008 profits: $1.384 billion

Mission statement:
"We help people achieve health and financial security by providing easy access to cost-effective, high-quality health care"

News story:
December 4, 2009
Aetna Forcing 600,000-Plus To Lose Coverage In Effort To Raise Profits
(Link)

Just in time for the holidays, Aetna has announced that it will be raising rates in 2010. Because of the higher rates, the company expects to lose between 600,000 and 650,000 customers. Chairman and CEO Ron Williams explained that the price hikes instituted in 2009 simply were not high enough. "The pricing we put in place for 2009 turned out to not really be what we needed to achieve the results and margins that we had historically been delivering," he said.

(Excuse me Ron, but I'm a little confused. Where is the "financial security" for the 600,000 people who can no longer afford your "cost-effective health care"?)




You really have to hand it to these benevolent, kindly health insurance companies. They obviously have someone's best interests at heart.

Can you guess whose?

~~~

Villain Of The Day: UnitedHealth

(stephen hemsley, current ceo of united health.
nice work if you can get it)

Welcome to UnitedHealth! We are delighted to have you as a customer. Please observe the following rules and we will all get along just fine.

Rule # 1: Pay your premiums. Yeah, yeah, we know. Your rate goes up every year. Quit whining. At least you have health insurance.

Rule # 2: Don't get sick. We are not in business to cater to your every sniffle and sneeze. If you get sick repeatedly, or you choose expensive diseases, we will cancel your policy in a heartbeat. Not that we have a heart.

Rule # 3: If you do get sick, use the cheapest doctors you can find. Our subsidiary, Ingenix, will provide totally unbiased information on how much we have to pay. And believe us, it won't be much. You'll get stuck paying the rest. But at least you have health insurance.

Rule # 4: Don't read the newspapers. They are full of lies. We did NOT admit to back-dating of stock options, denial of care, data manipulation, or any of those other silly things in all those frivolous lawsuits. We paid the settlements. Get over it. We gotta get back to making profits. Did we mention that your premiums are going up again?

Rule # 5: Get off our CEO's back. He is a great guy. Our last CEO was a shmuck. We'll admit it. He resigned after the whole silly stock option thing, with $1.6 billion in stock options, but he paid back $600 million. Poor guy. He can barely afford his personal jet, made entirely out of hundred-dollar bills and superglue.

Our current CEO is much better. This year he is only making $102,000 an hour. And his stock options are only worth $744 million. He lives a simple life.

Rule # 6: Do NOT go to www.sickforprofit.com to watch a video full of nasty lies. Do NOT click on this link. Do not listen to the crazy left-wing bloggers who want to put GOVERNMENT BUREAUCRATS between you and your trusted insurance company.

Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.

He's busy counting his money.

~~~

UnitedHealth Profits are enough to make you sick

(the key to success? just make more money. it's easy.)

Just when we finished celebrating the good fortune of Goldman Sachs, now we have to break out the party hats and balloons for UnitedHealth, the country's largest health insurer.

UnitedHealth reported super-duper profits this week. Here are a few quotes from the Wall St. Journal the AP and the Washington Post. The comments in red are mine.

UnitedHealth Group Inc.'s second-quarter earnings more than doubled amid prior-year charges and an increase in revenue, though enrollment continued to decline as U.S. unemployment mounts. (Wall St. Journal)

Hmm ... so they have figured out how to lose customers and still make huge profits! I wonder how they do it?

Revenue rose to $21.66 billion from $20.27 billion on increased premiums, which grew partly due to price increases. (Washington Post)

Oh! They just raised prices. That's so clever.

Commercial enrollment, which includes employer-sponsored coverage, has already fallen by 1.3 million people this year. But the company's public and senior business, which includes Medicaid and Medicare coverage, grew 15 percent year over year to 7.1 million people in the second quarter. (Washington Post)

Plus they make big profits through Medicaid and Medicare, which of course are funded by our tax dollars. Great plan, guys.

The Minnetonka, Minn.-based company said its profit more than doubled compared to the same quarter last year, when hefty legal charges weighed down earnings. (AP)

What's that? Legal charges? Are those from that pesky lawsuit where UnitedHealth was accused of setting up their OWN company to determine what "usual and customary" charges should be, and then using those numbers to shift costs to their customers instead of PAYING CLAIMS like they are supposed to do?? That lawsuit?

Have we had enough of these insurance companies yet????? Is there ANY question that they need to be reined in?

UnitedHealth recently was one of three health insurers awarded multibillion contracts by the Defense Department. (Wall St. Journal)

sigh.

~~~