Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Villain Of The Day: UnitedHealth


(stephen hemsley, current ceo of united health.
nice work if you can get it)

Welcome to UnitedHealth! We are delighted to have you as a customer. Please observe the following rules and we will all get along just fine.

Rule # 1: Pay your premiums. Yeah, yeah, we know. Your rate goes up every year. Quit whining. At least you have health insurance.

Rule # 2: Don't get sick. We are not in business to cater to your every sniffle and sneeze. If you get sick repeatedly, or you choose expensive diseases, we will cancel your policy in a heartbeat. Not that we have a heart.

Rule # 3: If you do get sick, use the cheapest doctors you can find. Our subsidiary, Ingenix, will provide totally unbiased information on how much we have to pay. And believe us, it won't be much. You'll get stuck paying the rest. But at least you have health insurance.

Rule # 4: Don't read the newspapers. They are full of lies. We did NOT admit to back-dating of stock options, denial of care, data manipulation, or any of those other silly things in all those frivolous lawsuits. We paid the settlements. Get over it. We gotta get back to making profits. Did we mention that your premiums are going up again?

Rule # 5: Get off our CEO's back. He is a great guy. Our last CEO was a shmuck. We'll admit it. He resigned after the whole silly stock option thing, with $1.6 billion in stock options, but he paid back $600 million. Poor guy. He can barely afford his personal jet, made entirely out of hundred-dollar bills and superglue.

Our current CEO is much better. This year he is only making $102,000 an hour. And his stock options are only worth $744 million. He lives a simple life.

Rule # 6: Do NOT go to www.sickforprofit.com to watch a video full of nasty lies. Do NOT click on this link. Do not listen to the crazy left-wing bloggers who want to put GOVERNMENT BUREAUCRATS between you and your trusted insurance company.

Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.

He's busy counting his money.

~~~


3 comments:

  1. Right on with this post!
    These greedy people are completely out of touch much like the Wall Street bankers who still want bonuses even after they get a bailout.
    The guy you have pictured was slammed by Ed Schultz Monday (8-10-09) on "The Ed Show" on MSNBC.
    So there you go, right on track in calling out these "sickos" or should I say "psychos".
    Of course they do not want health care reform because that disrupts their "lifestyle" as they are doing just fine via the current system.
    Keep going ...

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  2. Lesley,
    there is a site that might get you fired up a bit, I just came across it recently and they are giving out talking points and ways to go after Dems at 'town halls' on health care... check it out if you wish to... it's called Conservative Hideout 2.0 ... there's a link at my site or I believe you may be able to google it and get there too.
    Be warned though, you may (probably) won't like what you see.

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