Saturday, August 22, 2009

Odd News Headlines

(mommy, what is that folded-up pile of paper?
honey, that is what we called a newspaper back in the old days.

instead of making stuff up online, people would print it out and throw it onto your lawn.)

A few humorous stories from Yahoo's Odd News section to brighten up your weekend! My comments, of course, in red.

Woman Sues Zoo Over Splashing Dolphins
A woman is suing a Chicago-area zoo for a 2008 fall near a dolphin exhibit, accusing zookeepers of encouraging the mammals to splash water and then failing to protect spectators from wet surfaces.

I can just hear the zookeeper now: "Hey, Flipper! Aim for the lady in the purple hat! Woo hoo! I love my job."

Pack Your Trunk And Leave The Beach!
A French town has banned circus elephants from bathing at its beaches over concerns the animals' excrement could pollute the water and pose a health hazard to other swimmers.

We have the same problem in our backyard pool. You should see the size of the swim diapers we have to buy. The elephants are usually pretty good about not splashing spectators. But get out of the way when they yell "Cannon-Ball!!!"

Baby Boomers Still Getting High
Baby boomers, now well into middle age, are still turning on to illegal drugs, doubling the rates of illicit drug use for the older generation, according to U.S. government statistics released on Wednesday.

Story of my life. Everybody is having fun without me.

Competition Lacking Among Private Health Insurers
Several studies show that in lots of places, one or two health insurance companies dominate the market. Critics say monopolistic conditions drive up premiums paid by employers and individuals.

Insurers contend their industry is extremely competitive.

"You can have a very competitive market and still have companies with a high market share," said Alissa Fox, a top Washington lobbyist for the Blue Cross Blue Shield Association. "Insurers need to be of a significant size to best serve their customers and make sure that people get the best value."

Dude. Alissa. Pass the weed.



  1. You need your on cable news show! Seriously!

  2. Hmmm... I meant to say 'own' not 'on'.

    Anyway, just dropped by to say, you should write a book! Why not? You're a great writer. So why not a novel?

    I'm about half way with the initial part. (<47k words) But then comes the editing...