Odd News

(southern living's super-de-duper holiday issue, complete with instructions on how to deliver a baby. i sure hope patricia had this on hand.)

It's Monday! Time for some odd news.

Today I'm only going to feature one story:
"Boston Woman Delivers Grandchild On Thanksgiving."

This was reported by WHDH News in Boston, but in my opinion they left out all of the most interesting information. Here is the story word for word, with my questions in red.

BOSTON – A Boston woman says she was forced to split her time between helping her daughter deliver a baby at home and cooking Thanksgiving dinner.

(Was there nobody else at home who could have helped with either task? A husband? A neighbor? A very intelligent dog? And why do you say she was "forced"? Was she considering NOT helping her daughter? Was there a weapon involved? Or just a lot of screaming?)

Patricia McCalop was in the middle of preparing the meal when Africa McCalop suddenly went into labor two weeks early.

(Ok, so WHY would someone from Boston name their daughter "Africa"? Did Patricia mean to write "Arica" on the birth certificate, but she was maybe like totally drunk and added an extra letter and went several years before realizing that her daughter was, in fact, named Africa? I am fascinated by this.)

The grandmother called 911, and a dispatcher talked her through the delivery and helped her confirm that the baby girl was healthy and breathing. Paramedics arrived shortly afterward and took the mother and newborn to the hospital. They are both in good health.

(Ok, that's good! No questions here.)

McCalop said she kept running between the kitchen and her daughter in labor because she didn't want the turkey to burn while helping her child deliver the baby.

(Who on earth were they having for dinner? Would they not have understood if dinner was overcooked? Seems to me a brand new baby who was JUST BORN IN THE GUEST BEDROOM is a pretty good excuse.)

The infant weighed six pounds.

(THIS is how you end the story? "The infant weighed six pounds"?? I have lots more questions. Did Patricia send poor Africa to the hospital all by herself? Were the dinner guests totally grossed out by the thought of what Patricia was doing in between stuffing the turkey and baking the pies? Did Africa name her baby after some random continent? Australia, maybe? Or North America?)

Come on, WHDH News. Inquiring minds want to know ...

~~~

Happy Thanksgiving!

This year I am thankful for ...

Faithful friends ...

Words of wisdom ...

Never-ending blog material ...

And, of course, all of the other hard-working politicians who do so much for the country we all love ...




Happy Thanksgiving!

~~~

More odd news!

(so many odd things to talk about - so little time)

Gee, the news just keeps getting odder and odder!

Let's see, first there are the endless Sarah Palin interviews. Barbara Walters actually asked her with a straight face who she might consider for her Vice President, and managed to keep that straight face when Sarah went on to praise Glenn Beck. Good lord.

Very odd.

Then, there's the endless process of health reform. I heard yesterday that there are 4 members of the Democratic Caucus who are threatening to filibuster THEIR OWN PARTY'S BILL. Has this happened before? Aren't they supposed to filibuster bills from THE OPPOSITION??

Very odd.

As a little side note, I heard that Mary Landrieu sold her "yes" vote for $300 million. I definitely need to get into politics. I would sell my votes for way less than that.

And last but not least, there is the question of where on earth our President has gone?

I mean, sure, we all saw him bowing in Tokyo the other day. And we hear that he's working on Afghanistan and global warming. But look. When was the last time you saw the guy? Where did all those inspiring speeches go? And why does he look all fuzzy and far away in photographs these days?

Surely the real Barack Obama wouldn't let the health reform debate flounder like this. Surely he wouldn't allow Wall Street to continue its reckless ways while Main Street suffers. Surely the guy that I voted for wouldn't sit back in silence while the critics have a field day with the decisions being made about the Guantanamo prisoners.

Barack? Is that you?

Very odd.

~~~

Odd News

(it's time for some good news!! but I couldn't find any.
so let's do Odd News instead.)

Here are a few odd stories I found today, with my comments at the end of each one in red.

Ready?

Story # 1: Man Tied 15 Lizards To Chest At Airport

LOS ANGELES – Federal officials say they arrested a man who strapped 15 live lizards to his chest to get through customs at Los Angeles International Airport.

The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service said Friday that 40-year-old Michael Plank of Lomita, Calif., was returning from Australia when U.S. Customs agents found 11 skinks, two geckos and two monitor lizards fastened to his body Tuesday.

"Excuse me sir, could you explain those tails poking out between your buttons? And why is your carry-on bag full of crickets and spiders?"

Story # 2: Johnny Depp Named Sexiest Man Alive



Seriously? Who were the other candidates? Michael Moore and Homer Simpson?


Story # 3: Santa Gets A Face-Lift

WELLINGTON (Reuters) – A Santa in New Zealand with a droopy eye has received a NZ$100,000 ($74,000) face-lift in the run-up to Christmas so that his aging face does not scare children.


Hello ... you don't think the sight of THIS will scare the children??

~~~

Palin Resigns From Book Tour

(somebody move that street sign. it's blocking my face)

A week into her much-anticipated book tour, Sarah Palin gave a surprise resignation speech this morning at a local Christmas tree farm.

As a buzz-saw decapitated a live tree behind her, Palin breathlessly explained that the tour was not quite what she expected.

"People who know me know that nothing is more important to me than faith, family and daily headlines on Fox News," she said. "But let's be real here, people. A BUS?? You expect me to travel on a BUS day after day?

"Oh sure, it's a pretty nice bus - and it does have the biggest picture of me, like, ever, other than the one in my living room back home. But please. It's a bus.

"There is absolutely nothing mavericky about a bus.

"Rest assured, my loyal and devoted followers with the adorable Psalm 109:8 secret code t-shirts and the balloon animals on your heads and the concealed weapons in your purses, I am not retreating. I am advancing in another direction.

"I'm coming, Oprah! Save that 4:00 time slot for me."

~~~

I'm so confused

(forgive me lord, but i hate his guts)

I got another email today from Senator John Cornyn, here in Texas. He is very confusing.

His emails consistently contradict everything else I read. Perhaps, giving him the benefit of the doubt, he has different, official, Senatorial sources. Or perhaps, as I suspect, he is a dunderhead.

Here are some of the points in his email, followed by some points from an article on CNN.com on the exact same subject. Draw your own conclusions.

Senator Cornyn:
Last night, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid released his 2,074-page health care bill, which Senate Budget Committee analysis shows will cost American taxpayers $2.5 trillion when fully implemented over ten years.

CNN:
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid unveiled a sweeping health care bill Wednesday that would expand health insurance coverage to 30 million more Americans at an estimated cost of $849 billion over 10 years.

Senator Cornyn:
The bill will increase taxes on all Americans by nearly half a trillion dollars and breaks the President’s pledge not to raise taxes on working families earning less than $250,000.

CNN:
The Medicare payroll tax on individuals earning $200,000 a year and couples earning $250,000 a year would increase by half a percentage point, from the current 1.45 percent to 1.95 percent.

Senator Cornyn:
The Reid bill increases taxpayer spending and liability for health care over the next ten years—instead of reforming our already insolvent entitlement programs.

CNN:
The budget office estimated that the proposal would reduce the federal deficit by $127 billion over the next 10 years and by more than $600 billion in the following decade.

Senator Cornyn:
I am a complete dunderhead who loves to make up stuff and email it to people.

Me:
That is the first accurate thing I have ever heard from you.

Senator Cornyn:
But hey, who cares? I have great health insurance and nice white hair and I get to be on TV saying whatever the heck I want. I'm a Senator, you know.

Me:
Not for long, buddy. Not if I have anything to say about it.

~~~

Orrin Hatch promises "Holy War" over health reform.

(denying health care to your fellow Americans ... there's a cause we can all get behind)

Now that the Senate has unveiled its health reform plan, Senator Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) has promised a "Holy War" during the final long, agonizing, and at this point extremely pointless process of coming up with a final bill.

From the L.A. Times:

Republicans, who have criticized the Democrats' initiative as a step toward government control of the healthcare system, are already planning a series of delaying tactics, including forcing the entire bill to be read aloud on the Senate floor.

"It's going to be a holy war," Sen. Orrin G. Hatch (R-Utah) said Wednesday evening.

~~~

I was curious about Senator Hatch's choice of words, so I called his office last night. Here is an official transcript of our fictional conversation:

Me: Holy Health Reform, Senator Hatch! You seem to feel very strongly about this issue.

SH: I certainly do, young lady! It is preposterous to allow the government to take over health care. The insurance companies are doing a fine job.

Me: So, those checks from PhRMA are still coming through for you?

SH: Yes indeedy. Flowing like a river.

Me: Holy Handouts! That's great for you. But I'm curious about this "Holy War" you have promised. Don't you think that's a little inflammatory and right-wingy?

SH: I'm just telling it like it is. Health reform is wrong. Abortions are wrong except under certain conditions like for instance when nobody realizes they are in your health coverage for, like, 2o years, at which point they become extra emphatically wrong. And anything the Democrats propose is, of course, wrong.

Me: Holy HowBullheadedCanYouBe! This whole health reform thing has been so totally watered down and compromised, at this point even Republicans should be able to find things in there that they like! Come on. How about promoting unity and charity and health care for everyone? Wouldn't those be Holy ideas we could all get behind?

SH: No. No. No no. Nononononono. That is the official Republican Holier Than Thou position. And we're sticking together. Come Holy Hell or high water.

Me: .... sigh ...

~~~