Orrin Hatch promises "Holy War" over health reform.

(denying health care to your fellow Americans ... there's a cause we can all get behind)

Now that the Senate has unveiled its health reform plan, Senator Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) has promised a "Holy War" during the final long, agonizing, and at this point extremely pointless process of coming up with a final bill.

From the L.A. Times:

Republicans, who have criticized the Democrats' initiative as a step toward government control of the healthcare system, are already planning a series of delaying tactics, including forcing the entire bill to be read aloud on the Senate floor.

"It's going to be a holy war," Sen. Orrin G. Hatch (R-Utah) said Wednesday evening.

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I was curious about Senator Hatch's choice of words, so I called his office last night. Here is an official transcript of our fictional conversation:

Me: Holy Health Reform, Senator Hatch! You seem to feel very strongly about this issue.

SH: I certainly do, young lady! It is preposterous to allow the government to take over health care. The insurance companies are doing a fine job.

Me: So, those checks from PhRMA are still coming through for you?

SH: Yes indeedy. Flowing like a river.

Me: Holy Handouts! That's great for you. But I'm curious about this "Holy War" you have promised. Don't you think that's a little inflammatory and right-wingy?

SH: I'm just telling it like it is. Health reform is wrong. Abortions are wrong except under certain conditions like for instance when nobody realizes they are in your health coverage for, like, 2o years, at which point they become extra emphatically wrong. And anything the Democrats propose is, of course, wrong.

Me: Holy HowBullheadedCanYouBe! This whole health reform thing has been so totally watered down and compromised, at this point even Republicans should be able to find things in there that they like! Come on. How about promoting unity and charity and health care for everyone? Wouldn't those be Holy ideas we could all get behind?

SH: No. No. No no. Nononononono. That is the official Republican Holier Than Thou position. And we're sticking together. Come Holy Hell or high water.

Me: .... sigh ...

~~~