Where oh where was Mark Sanford?

(which way did he go?)

When the legislative session ended in South Carolina, Governor Mark Sanford disappeared. For four days, including Father's Day, nobody knew where he might be. Not even his wife.

Turns out he was supposedly hiking the Appalachian Trail. All alone. To "clear his head."

I can understand why he would want to take a little breather. His legislature had just finished over-riding a bunch of vetoes, fighting against, among other things, Sanford's heated objections to accepting federal stimulus money.

That evil stimulus money will now flow into his state, helping teachers keep their jobs and, ironically, funding improvements along the Appalachian Trail. What a calamity.

I'm not so sure I buy the story that Sanford was out hiking. I mean, why wouldn't he explain his plans to his staffers or his wife or at the very least his four sons, who had probably already bought a new tie and a nice card for him?

So where was he? Here are my top ten guesses:

1. He was in detention, writing "I will accept the stimulus money" a thousand times on the blackboard.

2. He was laying down new mulch along the Trail to prove the stimulus funds are unnecessary.

3. He was having an affair with Kate Gosselin.

4. He was in Canada, getting an operation that his U.S. insurance company denied.

5. He was looking for the Republican Party. The wilderness was a logical place to start.

6. He was finalizing the design for his "Sanford 2012" t-shirts.

7. He was working out so he'd have Barack-solid abs.

8. He was showing the world how Americans celebrate Father's Day - by abandoning his four sons.

9. He was making headlines, which is not always a good thing for a politician to do.

10. The legislature told him to "Take a hike." He was just following directions.

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