Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Texas Opts Out Of U.S. Postal Service

(you're my man, kinky ... unless somebody sends $12.6 million to kick off my own campaign)

Breaking News ...

Governor Rick "Yee Haw" Perry has just announced that the state of Texas is opting out of the U.S. Postal Service.

"The last thing we need is more government intervention," Perry exclaimed to a crowd of bewildered people standing in line at the Frisco post office. "Let's put the free market to work!"

"So where am I supposed to mail this letter?" asked a woman in the crowd.

"Ask yourself a simple question," Perry continued. "Do I really want some government bureaucrat standing between me and my phone bill?"

"Gee. I guess not," said the woman.

Perry ranted on: "Did you know that people in Canada wait in line for weeks, just to get a catalog from L.L. Bean? Did you know that in England, people DIE before they can receive their final notice that the warranty on the car they traded in a year ago is about to expire?? Socialized mail is NOT the answer!!"

"Wow. You're right," said the woman. "I guess instead of mailing it, I'll take this campaign contribution home and put it through my shredder."

"Wait!" yelled Perry. "We're ready to serve the next person in line. Step right up."



  1. Did you take down your mailbox? What will they do with all the sales fliers?

  2. My mailbox is still up, though the door is broken so we recently received a nice note saying we may not get mail again until we fix it. That's ok. They can keep the sales fliers. And the electric bill too.

  3. Here in Britain its the postmen who are opting out just now, but they have cause to.

  4. Donald, lots of our postmen and women are opting out, too. Voluntarily or otherwise. The lines at the Frisco post office are getting even longer ...