Dear Children

(any questions? raise your hands)

Good morning boys and girls. I'm sure you are all excited to be back in school. I know I'm excited to have a chance to talk with you.

Since this is a speech that I wrote just for you, I need you to do something. Shh ... come a little closer. I need you to tie up your teacher and put her in the closet. That's right. Use the duct tape I secretly mailed to you last week. I'll wait.

Done? Good job.

Now, see that flashing blue light in the corner of your screen? Don't look at it. Do NOT under any circumstances stare at it to see if it will turn yellow. No staring. Don't even try it.

Ok. Now that you are all undoubtedly staring at the blue light, you are under my control. You will believe everything I say.

Listen closely.

You all love your country. Your parents and teachers have taught you well. You are proud to be an American. From here on you will work hard to succeed in school and help keep our country a great place to live.

Some of you are afraid and suspicious of me. Your parents and teachers have taught you well. You can see that I look different from you, so it's natural for you to assume that the color of my skin is the reason behind that fear. But from here on you will trust people, even if they look different, until they give you a reason not to.

You will listen carefully to both sides of every story, and judge for yourselves who is really telling the truth.

You will remember the history lessons you are learning in school, and do everything in your power to learn from the mistakes of the past, rather than hurling them as insults at anyone who disagrees with you.

You will work hard to succeed at school, and help keep our country a great place to live.

Thanks for listening, kids. Sorry about the flashing light. I just wanted to make sure my message got through.

You can let your teacher out now.

~~~