Monday, September 28, 2009

Dear Senator Baucus

(we're in the money, tra la la)

Dear Senator Baucus,

Thank you for protecting our best interests. It is wonderful to see our politicians truly listening to their supporters. Wink, wink.

First, we are delighted to see that your health reform plan includes an individual mandate. After all, there are millions of Americans who are uninsured right now. Let's force them all to buy insurance! Problem solved.

We are excited about welcoming new customers, even though some of them will have health problems which we will need to find creative ways not to pay for. Don't worry, we are up to the task. Your provision allowing us to charge older people up to 4X the normal rates will be a big help. Thanks, buddy.

We are aware that your committee will be "debating" the public option amendments tomorrow. Naturally, by "debating" we mean "talking in circles." Who needs to debate this crazy idea?? Olympia Snowe says it's a bad idea. That should convince all of the other Democrats to vote against it, in spite of the fact that she is a Republican with no particular credentials from one of the smallest states in the country.

In short, we have spent bazillions of dollars fighting real health care reform. Let's get the Baucus bill passed so we can go back to spending that money on more worthwhile purposes - like a new gold-plated vault to keep our ever-growing piles of money safe and sound.

America's Health Insurance Companies



  1. Just wondering... Do you ever worry about some wacky right-wing becoming detached and flying down to hit you in the back of the head?

    I'm still voting for you!

  2. Lily: Yes, in fact I am surrounded by right-wingers, as you can imagine. That's why my profile picture is not actually me. I'm undercover. haha

    Thanks for your vote!