Help Wanted

Help Wanted: Outspoken Spokesperson

Major political party seeking loud, attention-grabbing assistant spokesperson.

Job requirements:
~ Big mouth
~ Good hair
~ Ability to get on cable news on a nightly, if not hourly, basis

Our political party currently has only one spokesperson. He is getting very tired. In fact, he plans to be on five talk shows tomorrow morning, plus the Letterman show on Monday, The Edge of Night on Tuesday and The Price is Right on Wednesday. We hope to hire an assistant spokesperson before he ends up on The Biggest Loser.

Please do NOT apply if you have ever:
~ Cheated on your taxes
~ Cheated on your spouse
~ Signed any type of petition (yes, that includes the "Teachers Suck" petition you signed in 5th grade)
~ Given a sermon
~ Had tea with a domestic terrorist
~ Worked for Goldman Sachs

Southern accent considered a definite minus.

Excellent salary. Save it up. Not to be a Negative Nelly, but at this point it looks like the job may only last until 2012.

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