Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Strategy Session

(the oval office, just before i got there)

I am so excited! President Obama finally decided to take me up on my offer to join his speechwriting team! In fact, we are in the middle of a strategy session right now. We're taking a break because First Puppy Bo just peed on the carpet in the Oval Office. But as soon as the President finishes blotting it with paper towels, we'll get back to work on his health care speech.

Ok! Carpet is clean! Just so you can follow along, I'll call the other speech writer "SW" since I don't know his real name. I will be called "ME" and I'll call the President "PREZ."

PREZ: Look. Here's how I think we should start: "We have had a vigorous debate on this important issue. The time for action is now." What do you think? That should do it, right?

SW: Well, that's not bad. But the pundits are all saying that you need to get tough. Let's add some exclamation points. "The time for action is NOW!"

ME: Oh good lord. That's what you call getting tough?? Come on guys! People are angry! You've lost control! Nut jobs have been ranting and raving about death squads and Nazis and Socialism. Ya gotta hit back!

PREZ: Well look. We have to try to build a consensus here -

ME: Consensus??! What the heck for? The Republicans have already SAID they won't vote for anything, regardless of what's in or out. Listen. If I finally get to see a doctor and have insurance that actually pays for it, I won't care if it's bipartisan insurance or democratic insurance or even socialist insurance.

SW: How about this: "I am FIRMLY in favor of a STRONG public option unless there are people out there who are opposed to it."

ME: ... sigh ...

SW: And we'll end with this: "Let's all stand now, and hold hands, and join together in a chorus of Kum-Ba-Ya."

ME: Crap.

PREZ: What?

ME: Crap. On the carpet. You guys better clean that up. I'll finish the speech while you're at it. Don't worry. I've got it under control.


1 comment:

  1. Good stuff... I am laughing because you may have something there... President Obama and his staff have to get back to where they were last year at this time and "hit back" as you put it.
    Get tough!
    Looking forward to your next post after the President's speech on health care reform.